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full_metal_monkey
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Name: Carl
Country: United States
State: Pennsylvania
Metro: Philadelphia
Birthday: 12/7/1988
Gender: Male
Interests: I like girls (when they don't talk) Full Metal Alchemist, Invader Zim, long walks on the beach, Inuyasha, Family Guy, ATHF, MGS:2 3, Soul Caliber, turtles, Morrowind, Halo, reading, sleeping, dreaming, listening, pizza, cheese, marbles, Winter, Samurai Champloo, Paranoia Agent, Fooly Cooly, My friends (sometimes), [adult-swim], The Band of Seven, Shaman KIng manga, One Piece manga, writing, manga, South Park, Harvey Birdman, Sea Lab, Xbox, Super Smash Bros, anatomy, biology, theology, psychology, Ghost In the Shell, the original Gundam, yelling, Outlaw Star, anime, The Shorties, me, and generaly being mean to people.
Expertise: I'm good at sleeping...and eating...and pissing people off...mainly sleeping...and eating...sometimes thinking...but mostly sleeping...and eating
Occupation: Student
Industry: Other
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
4/19/2005
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| I miss school so much. I miss the pressure and the routine. I miss learning and growing. When i finally get out of this mess i am in im never going to stop learning ever again QQ. Ah well. I had a phone interview awhile back with the place, Integral Molecular. They wanted a lab technician with basically my experience so i thought it would be a great oppurtunity. They were a mostly biology place and i didn't do the research i should've. I was unprepared and nervous and i think it showed. It would've been such a sweet job to have. Live and learn but i really hate these lessons. Always be prepared for interviews even if they're over the phone. Well not i have an interview with UPS next week and septa is on strike or some shit so it might not even happen. The universe conspires to destroy me. I'll find a way there though. Its not a job im looking forward to but i don't really have a choice. I'll keep searching. Maybe i'll get lucky with craigslist again. The pork turned out great. Nice and juice and i worked the remaining juice into a glaze, dunno how well its gonna play with the cheese though, i should've gone with normal blue, i think its tangier.
Trying to find new music. mostly using pitchfork, they're a bit elitist and everything they write comes off snobby to me but they find some good things sometimes. Also i discovered video chat rooms. I don't have a webcam but i can talk to ppl. Its like going on a forum. Depending on the time of day the ppl are either really cool or really immature b-tards. I'll keep going till something else drags my attention away. They're gay rooms which is a good change of pace, when they aren't being /b/tards they're pretty nice which is good to know. Even i have my stereotypes about gay people. With sterotypes comes a bit of self loathing. At least thats always been the case with me. If your skin color is the first thing ppl notice and they see it as a negative thing even if you know they're just morons it leaves like a little mark and they build up after time. It makes you bitter, jaded, and misantropic and those negative energies eventually take root and start to become your basis. I don't want that to happen to me about anything, skin color, sexuality religion or the lacktherof. But some ppl. I just heard that they banned gay marriage in Maine. But its not just that they banned it but before the ban gay couples still got all the rights of married couples, it just wasn't called marriage. But now they took all that away. People will go to extremes to make other peoples lives miserable. I don't see how people can do that once they realize that almost everyone is just someone else trying to get by. A lack of god means that you must find hope and purpose in more tangible things. Even if you find it in yourself if you see that the rest of the world is just shittily trying to bring you down you can't help but lose faith in everything...
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| Maybe im depressed, i can't really tell now if im just generally a moody person or if its something less inherent. People go through ups and downs though, thats only natural. My last refuge is cooking and eating what i've cooked. Its the only thing that really puts my mind in a good place. I went into pathmark to find a meat. Last time there i saw lamb which i love and is probably my favorite meat. Its easier to chew than beef and such a rich flavor in my opinion. The lamb was gone though, onoz. So i was looking around and i didn't want chicken and the beef was too expensive for such small cuts and then i saw these 6 huge porkchops for like $5. Normally i wouldn't buy meat thats too cheap, thats suspicious. But beggars can't be choosers and im pretty sure the price was because it was close to its sell date (which is not the same as an expiration date).
Im not a big pork eater. It was never a popular meat in our house and i don't think my dad or mom ever served it. It was rare that they even cooked beef. Pork isn't my favorite meat, i think it has a salty flavor too it, not overpowering but beef has a much more savory quality and chicken has a flavor thats mild so it takes to seasoning well while offering texture. Now we can't just cook this meat on the stove and call it a done deal, thats no fun. So i wanted to pair the flavor of the pork with something very rich like a BBQ sauce but that would be boring. I once made a really rich sauce using grape jelly and salsa so i wanted to try something like that. I settled on apples. I like golden delicious though they don't hold up well to baking but i used them anyway but apples and pork was still missing something and i couldn't figure it out until i had left the store. Cheese. Cheese has a strong enough flavor to really compliment the pork and really goes well with apples. But i didn't know what kind of cheese to use so i did some research and it pointed me in the direction of a blue cheese. We are not fans of blue cheese but we went with it anyway, so many ppl couldn't be wrong. Everyone was suggesting Roquefort as the best thing to buy but they didn't have that so i went with Gorgonzola. Still didn't know how i was going to incorporate it into the dish but i think im going to crumble it over the pork during the last 10-15 min of cooking.
So all that and more is what was going through my head and thoughts like that make me happy. New meats, new techniques, new flavors. Its chemistry you can eat.
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| Well that was awful. I can't believe how quickly it happened either. So i went to boyers the day before halloween fully intending to get shwasted. Not sure why i was so hellbent on the idea, probably because my life sucks so much right now but there was a goal and i was feeling ok. Prior to that i had gnocchi for the first time with jimmys family. They went out to eat at some Italian place in media, better than many resturants. Anyway so like i said, gnocchi, first time. It was enjoyable and as a side dish i think it would've been excellent but they placed a huge plate of nothing but gnocchi in this cheese sauce in front of me and i got filled pretty quickly. For dessert i had this lemon gelato with a berry sauce around it and these nice crunchy lemon things sprinkled all over it. It was really good. The whole meal was kind of awkward for me though. Im not big on my own family having not seen any of them face to face in over half a year and im really not big on other people treating me like family. Makes me feel like im obligated to them or something. The aversion to kindness is duly noted but jimmy keeps forcing them on me telling me they expect me to be there and celebrate with them etc etc my dad with be hurt etc etc. Im not really in a position to rock the boat either which makes the whole thing feel alot worse, hence the word force. I don't need a guilt trip, not that i would feel guilty for not attending but then i suspect i'd hear shit about it later. I dunno. Not my family at the end of the day and though i appreciate the kindness and the warmth they offer they're technically not my family so they aren't obligated to me in that way at the end of the day. I guess thats what this is really about. Mistrust in people, aim low score high. Still i've been let down too many times by people who are supposed to be blood so i've come to expect next to nothing from those who are not. People surprise me sometimes but the guard stays up, not worth letting it down.
Anyway flash forward to a stomach filled with gelato, bread, water, and half a plate of gnocchi. A very small stomach too. So i get the IM from toby, and make up a costume real fast. I was a hitman. You could tell cause i had a gun. I had to keep the gun with me otherwise i was just some guy in a suit and big shades, hardly a costume. Oh yeah! I ran into this lady in front of Wawa and she ended up ttelling me i wasn't incog-negro. After a quick review of the situation, smile only faltering for a second, i assessed that she was in too good spirits and far to simple for that to be taken as offensive so i laughed at the awkwardness of the situation and the boldness of this individual. I hope she had a good night. Ok flash forward to boyer apt. We get there extremely late, things are winding down. Less people. I take a few seconds to say hi then get acquainted with the hard liquor. I make this banana thing and convince myself that because i can taste the favor of banana its good. I guess it was some kind of schnapps, i dunno but the proof was high enough for it to taste like banana flavored poison. But it was banana flavored and we had a mission right. So i drank two cups of that, the second one stronger than the first. Then i challenged matt who has a good 60 pounds on me maybe 70 if what he said while he was drunk was true. I chased the shots with dorittos. Now that may sound weird but the strong flavor of the cheese dorittos quickly overcame any taste of alcohol in my mouth so it worked. Or maybe i was just ridiculously drunk by then.
Now i take shots because i don't drink beer and it works fast. My eyes are always bigger than my stomach though and because initially im not drunk i think im ok to take more shots. This is not the case, the alcohol is just having a delayed reaction. So when the banana drinks and the shots fully hit it was more than enough to take me out. I remember everything in the party up until i layed down. I remember heading butting some ppl, mostly toby. Then nothing. It was the strangest experience of my life. I remember everything up to a certain point then its just like a dream of nothing but black. But i remember puking in a pumpkin which was apparently not a pumpkin but EVERYTHING I WAS WEARING! I would love a play by play but my friends have better things to do with their time than tell me how fucked up i was vomiting everywhere. Still its weird to have blanks. Jimmy filled me on on what he knew. Apparently kevin dropped me off covered in vomit and i refused any and all assistance from jimmy(well done me), went upstairs, used the bathroom, took off my clothes, and got into bed. While i am completely disgusted with myself and my behavior and this post has been more for my documentation than anything else i can't help but be fascinated with the event. If the vomiting had not occurred it would've been even better but i would like to know where my mind was during all of this. What was my behavior? What was my personality? Why can't i remember most things? Why can i recall the things i can? It was a very out of body experience and i wonder if was conscience through the entire ordeal and somehow the memories cannot be accessed or if memories of the ordeal were not recorded due to the presence of alcohol. I'll do some reading and post again real soon. Alot of nothing going on and this place is as good as any to record it. Maybe it'll do some good have it written someplace.
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| on Xanga....writtin shit....
god what a forgotten alley of the internet this place has become. Life sucks right now. If i were anyone else i would fill this blog with things i could complain about but im getting older. Talking about problems doesn't make them go away. Its not even real venting. I think im going to go back and delete most of my entries. Its a trip into an adolescent mind that i'd rather not go on. Like i said im getting older...21 this year. Over two decades on this earth and nothing to show for it. Fuck that. I have a plan. Not the best plan but im graduating someplace by 2013 at the latest. I'll be 24...that leaves 6 year left once i graduate till im 30 and by then if im not more than halfway to conquering something im just going to resort to Plan B. Blowing shit up...alot of shit...maybe the world...hopefully the world. Im getting really sick of reading BBC news everyday just to hear about a whole new set of problems that start somewhere and then having to read between to lines to see the story behind the story which is even worse. This whole rock is depressing when you think about it, could use a little blowing up. Taking an involuntary year off of school which set my plans back 1 year. Ironic because me and M.knight always joked about graduating in 2012 from some high school. Oh well. Im doing the best i can with what i got. Aiming extremely high so if i miss the mark i still end high but i can't miss anyway. Missing is not an option for Plan A. Plan B involves no aiming whatsoever.
I hope the gov't doesn't read this and piss its pants, probably going to have to delete this a year from now when i look back on how crazy it sounds. Everything will work out in the end as long as you do you best, right. It has to because how else can it work out....
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| cut off....i've been cut off before but that was my decision and it was temporary. This time i think i've been cut off for good. Maybe its best, i was getting complacent. Now however im stuck with that feeling again, of worthlessness that comes from bitterness and self-loathing. The biggest risk, the highest return, the harder i fell. The cure is painfully obvious, i think its time to start changing again...
i realize why i want what i can't have...the excitment is in the challenge....
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